12,847
Grievances filed
Roughly two per minute since the registry opened. Surprising no one.
Issue 001 · The registry is live
$SUCKthe registryof things that suck
A satirical, non-financial, decidedly non-licensed catalog of modern annoyances. Submit your grievances, vote on the worst offenders, get the weekly bulletin. Free, irreverent, and (we hope) cathartic.
- Issue
- 001 — Live
- Grievances filed
- 12,847
- Price to participate
- $0 · Always
- Reading time
- ~6 min weekly
REGISTRY DESK
Bulletin Issue 001
Numbers that should not exist
Independently unverified. Internally celebrated. Updated whenever the editors finish their coffee.
1,842
Active subscribers
All unpaid. All unhinged. All extremely well-organized about it.
41×
Cereal bowls demolished
We're not sure what this measures. It feels true. Filing it under research.
0
Notification permissions granted
Editorial policy. Nothing on this site will ever ask to ping you.
$0
Cost to participate
Forever. We are not selling anything. Not now, not later, not in a Telegram channel.
6 min
Weekly read
Bulletin lands Friday morning. Short, satirical, easy to forward to the worst person you know.
The editorial board
Four critics | running the registry
An editorial board so opinionated they once argued for twenty minutes about an em dash. Civilly, but loudly.
The Pragmatist
Triages submissions
“If three people independently filed it, it sucks. Promote it to Friday's bulletin.”
The Cynic
Writes the cover essay
“I have seen 12,000 grievances and I would like to add one more, thanks.”
The Optimist
Curates the silver-lining column
“Many things suck. Some less than yesterday. We call that progress.”
The Archivist
Tags everything, forgets nothing
“Category 7.b — sub-clause iii — yes, this belongs there. Yes I am sure.”
Editorial calendar
Roadmap | (subject to gripes)
An editorial plan written on a whiteboard in a coffee shop, ratified by majority eye-roll, defended by a group of people who care way too much about index cards.
- 1Now
Issue 001 — The Registry Opens
Submissions open. The bulletin launches. The categorization wars begin.
- Submission form goes live (no account required)
- Weekly bulletin ships every Friday morning
- Top ten grievances ranked by community vote
An editor demanded a Phase 0. There is no Phase 0.
- 2Next
Issue 002 — Categories Expand
New tagging system. Reader-submitted essays. The Silver Lining column makes its hopeful debut.
- Granular tags ("things that beep", "things that update at 3am", etc.)
- Reader essay submissions open (300 words, opinions only)
- Silver Lining column — things that used to suck but stopped
The Cynic has filed a formal objection to the Silver Lining column.
- 3Soon
Issue 003 — Annual Report
Year-in-suck retrospective. Reader awards. A printed zine, possibly, if the photocopier behaves.
- Top 100 grievances of the year (community-voted)
- Reader awards: Most Petty / Most Universal / Best Wordsmith
- Limited-run zine of selected entries (free, mailed at cost)
If the printer jams, we are blaming the printer. Loudly. In writing.
- 4Plotted
Issue 004 — Open Office Hours
Live writers' rooms. Community-edited bulletins. The registry becomes (slightly) participatory.
- Monthly open writers' rooms (audio-only, anonymous welcome)
- Community-edited bulletin once a quarter
- Local chapters — meet other people who think the same things suck
Roadmap subject to amendment whenever someone has a 'great idea' at 2am.
The charter
Certified | sucks
We can't promise we'll fix anything. We can promise we won't sell you anything, ask for your card, track your kids, or quietly enroll you in a subscription. The charter is short. We follow it.
Free, forever
No paywall, no premium tier, no "sign up to view." Read the bulletin, file a grievance, leave when you want.
No tracking nonsense
No ads, no third-party trackers, no cross-site pixels. Just the boring analytics needed to count readers.
Easy to leave
One-click unsubscribe. No retention emails. No "are you sure?" interstitials. We respect the exit.
Strictly satire
Nothing here is investment advice, professional advice, or any other kind of advice. It is a zine. It is funny. That is all.
House rules (the entire charter)
- We sell nothing. Ever. No tokens, no memberships, no swag-with-a-secret-subscription.
- We accept no money. The bulletin is free. If that ever changes, we promise we'll write a goodbye essay first.
- Submissions are anonymous by default. Real names only if you ask us to.
- If you ask us to remove your grievance, we remove it. Same day. No appeals process. No 'we'll review it.'
The usual suspects
If anything goes wrong, | we blame
It is editorial policy to investigate the following entities first before issuing any official correction.
Defendant #1
Self-Checkout Kiosks
Item in bagging area? There is no item. There is nothing. There never was.
Defendant #2
Software Updates
Arrived without warning. Demanded a restart. Moved the buttons. We won't forget.
Defendant #3
Recurring Meetings
Could have been an email. Was, in fact, an email. The email was also a meeting.
If none of the above can be reached, we will issue a statement of profound disappointment and move on.